did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
