people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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