my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
