today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
