I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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