ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Less talking, more tequila
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
