my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
