thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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