I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
