if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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