this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
