how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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