Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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