I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
