..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
