I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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