I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
