i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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