We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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