porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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