I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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