he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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