you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
