i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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