i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I am morally bankrupt
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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