Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
