You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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