Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
