he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
and you fell through a lawn chair
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
