they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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