The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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