If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
