moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
