Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
