is wine microwaveable?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
