Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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