Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
