And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We have started to decorate penises.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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