just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
