I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
