I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
