Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
