i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sober January is a disaster.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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