is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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