if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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