just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
