I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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