Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
