I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER