yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
