stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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