I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
