it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
