He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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