Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
