Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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