____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
