Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
