Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
