you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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