Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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