I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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