Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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