i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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