she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
