I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
