Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
