i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
